I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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