I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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