I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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