Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
