Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
