Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
