My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
