i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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