How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
