Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We left an ass print on the piano.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
