she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
