i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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