she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
