He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
