Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
