please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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