Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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