So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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