just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
