goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
