i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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