oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
