I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
