I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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