Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
