how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
