Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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