So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
