I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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