I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
