watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
