I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
