considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
