i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
