im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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