I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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