Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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