i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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