i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
