people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
