Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
