Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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