Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
