and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
