i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
