Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
