We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
