He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
