we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
