turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just forgot I was standing up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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