hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
