I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
