I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
