I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
