I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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