You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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