Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
