Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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