Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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