Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
