is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
