Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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