Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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