That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
