The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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