shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
