Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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