Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize